tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2370579431203889412024-03-12T21:50:12.055-04:00Fish&QuipsLiving and Laughing in "Fishtown" USAReneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03352691224791078370noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237057943120388941.post-27672517210757211292011-09-25T20:37:00.000-04:002011-09-25T20:37:25.125-04:00Alphabetical AgingBetween working with kids and pushing 40, I've noticed I'm becoming one of <i>them</i> --an <i>adult. </i>Yuck. I despise even typing that word. I know most of you will think that 40 is still on the young side, and I agree. But when you've lived by the motto "I don't want to grow up, I'm a Toys R Us kid" for a good portion of your life, aging can be a bit unnerving. I know getting older is inevitable, but I think being prepared for it can help ease the process. I'm not saying I'm going to give up my carefree ways or suddenly become the epitome of maturity. That's not gonna happen. I've just begun to realize that the older I get, I'm seeing things from a different perspective. I'm recognizing the aging process more readily than ever. So I decided what better way to embrace it than with some sarcastic humor for your reading pleasure. I present, "Alphabetical Aging", a.k.a, "You Know You're Getting Older When....."<br />
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A~Each and every day begins with a healthy, colon cleansing dose of <b>Activia</b>. Yum?<br />
B~ You rename your Boobs "Lift" and "Separate"<br />
C~<b>Cookies</b>, <b>Cake</b> and <b>Candy</b> are no longer staples in your diet.<br />
D~Having a "few" <b>Drinks</b> really means a few.<br />
E~You begin to realize that <b>Early</b> <b>retirement </b>is a pipe dream.<br />
F~<b>Fat-Free</b> is no longer a choice, but a necessity.<br />
G~<b>Gravity </b>becomes your mortal enemy.<br />
H~ You ignore the few drinks rule, and your <b>Hangover</b> lasts 2 days, minimum.<br />
I~<b>Incontinence </b>is no longer something you can giggle at since it now happens every time you giggle.<br />
J~ You hear "See it wiggle, see it <b>Jiggle</b>!", Jello is the second thing you think of. <br />
K~You find yourself saying "If I <b>Knew </b>then what I <b>Know</b> now..."on a regular basis.<br />
L~Loose fit jeans become your new best friend.<br />
M~You begin to sound <b>More</b> and <b>More</b> like your <b>Mother</b> every day.<br />
N~<b>Nap time </b>makes a comeback.<br />
O~<b>Oil of Olay </b>sends you free samples in the mail...in bulk.<br />
P~You frequently utter "<b>Pull up your Pants!" </b>to random teens on the street. <br />
Q~Doing anything <b>Quickly</b> could put you in traction for 2 weeks.<br />
R~<b>Running</b> is something you only do if being chased.<br />
S~<b>Skirts and Shorts </b>that show too much <b>Skin </b>are 10 to 20 years removed from your wardrobe.<br />
T~<b>Tums </b>are more likely to be found in your purse or pocket than Bubble Yum.<br />
U~<b>Underwear </b>are no longer a fashion statement but are simply worn for their intended purpose.<br />
V~<b>Vanity </b>takes a backseat to practicality and comfort.<br />
W~<b>"What are We doing this Weekend?" </b>is replaced in many conversations with friends with "<b>What did you say?" </b>or "<b>What </b>was I saying/doing?"<br />
X~They stop asking you if there is any possibility you may be pregnant when getting an <b>X-Ray.</b><br />
Y~Your rocky relationship with gravity forces you to be measured for a new bra with a Yardstick.<b> </b><br />
Z~You begin to dread any birthday that ends in a <b>Zero.</b><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9Gp9_Hlc8_PM6P-Tak3np-af-BQ1pydnYseZ8m4FxtDQLxnb6Pp5u-rIgunHcs8REG39K-B9rDNAiL874Zfz1MRKkZrETJjA2Hv9Wqfnhp61WiV4b7cHRd4xvYRw-ClbCiEHyMoLFZbA/s1600/Maxine-aging-funny-quote-image.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9Gp9_Hlc8_PM6P-Tak3np-af-BQ1pydnYseZ8m4FxtDQLxnb6Pp5u-rIgunHcs8REG39K-B9rDNAiL874Zfz1MRKkZrETJjA2Hv9Wqfnhp61WiV4b7cHRd4xvYRw-ClbCiEHyMoLFZbA/s400/Maxine-aging-funny-quote-image.jpg" width="349" /></a></b></div><a name='more'></a>Reneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03352691224791078370noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237057943120388941.post-8342447836668593482011-09-18T02:43:00.000-04:002011-09-18T02:43:34.579-04:002+2=6Math has never been my strong suit. Early on, I despised math and that hatred followed me for quite some time. I recall the worksheets with word problems from elementary school making me furious. Not because they were too difficult, but because they seemed very unfair to me. "Johnny has 6 pieces of gum. If Johnny gives 2 pieces to James, and 1 piece each to Katie and Jessica, how many pieces does he have left?" My first thought was that Johnny was pretty mean to play favorites with James. If I were Katie or Jessica, I'd be pissed. How was I supposed to solve the math problem when there was social injustice afoot?<br />
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I didn't fair much better in middle school when they introduced Algebra. At first, I was excited at the thought of letters being used in equations. Letters were English and Spelling related. I excelled at both of those things. My confidence was very short lived. Using letters with numbers was completely confusing to me. I viewed the letters and numbers as mortal enemies who should not be in the same room with each other. I daydreamed about X kicking 10's ass to the 3rd power. I was baffled for weeks by the D+ on my report card, wondering where the hell the other half of the equation was.<br />
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I really thought things would turn around for me by high school. Geometry had a lot to do with different shapes. I learned my shapes from Sesame Street characters. How bad could it be? I discovered the answer within the first week. Each student was given a compass to draw a perfect circle. Approximately 10 minutes into the lesson, I was headed to the nurse with blood running down my hand from a compass puncture wound. Not only did I suck at math, I was also being mocked and harassed by its tools.<br />
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I labored and toiled my way through various math classes throughout high school and college. I was satisfied with the lowest passing grade. I had come to terms with never being an architect, engineer, or math teacher. Especially, math teacher. I was confident that I would barely ever use the little math knowledge I was able to retain. I forced it to the back of my brain with the rest of the information I had deemed impractical and useless. It sat dormant, next to "how to program the time on my VCR" and behind the lyrics to 80's sitcom theme songs. Finally, I was "standing tall, on the wings of my dream"...I had survived my war against math. Little did I realize, math is "everywhere you look"....<br />
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Without math, I wouldn't be able to balance my check book, know how much cheese I need from the deli, unequally slice a pie to my advantage, know that the shortest distance between me and the beer in my fridge is a straight line, count the days until my next vacation, know that the Pats favored over the Lions by 7 is a good bet, or know when to throw my scale out the window. I've learned math isn't something to hate or fear. Math is not the enemy. Simply put, if A = math and B = me, then A + B = friends.Reneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03352691224791078370noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237057943120388941.post-37596145918984779062011-09-09T07:30:00.018-04:002011-09-09T07:30:01.734-04:00And now, a word from our sponsors...Though my love affair with television is near and dear to my heart, I'm also a sucker for a good commercial. With as much tv as I can watch in any given bout of laziness, I demand to be entertained in between my entertainment. A commercial needs to show me it wants me to stay glued to the couch, watching its product flash before my glazed over eyes. Sometimes it can be touch and go. If I'm thinking it's snack or beer time, they better bring out the big guns. If I have to pee, it's almost a lost cause. The surest way to keep me tuned in is to make me laugh. A catchy tune can work for awhile as well, until I can't get it out of my head and begin to curse the commercial at fault (see McDonald's Gimme that Fish commercial). I also enjoy a commercial I can ridicule for my own savage amusement.<br />
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The latest victim is a Nissan commercial. Don't ask me if it was for the Sentraltima or the Titan Leaf Z Roadster Cube Sedan. That's not the point. There's a line in the commercial that throws my sarcastic switch to full power. Something to the effect of "What if your car knew who you were?". I hear this line and my brain immediately begins its own inner monologue starring the voice of the car, which is strangely, always Paul Lynde.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>"Ohhhh great. Here comes the Soccer Mom of the year with her devil spawn. And the little one is eating Oreos again! Doesn't that woman understand the simple concept of chocolate cookie mashed into my fine cloth seats?" Or..."Why can't He-Man shower <i><b>before </b></i>he leaves the gym? That smell is <i><b>never </b></i>coming out of my drivers seat." And sometimes, "You know lady, the only action I see is from the view of the Burger King drive-thru. Drop the Whopper (outisde!!), throw on a little lip-stick and maybe things will change for <i><b>both </b></i>of us!".<br />
Thank you to the kind people at Nissan for keeping me in tip-top, wise-ass shape.<br />
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There are other commercials that just make me giggle. M&M has a pretty decent grasp on keeping my attention. The one with the M&M's throwing snacks and other items at the guy trying to get some M&M's for his wife comes to mind. The way many Americans attack snack foods, I really can't blame the M&M's for fighting back. Also, kudos to the old M&M commercial that has Patrick Warburton (Puddy from Seinfeld) chastising the M&M's for being cannibalistic. It's twisted and absurd all in one. And if you don't think twisted and absurd makes for good tv, then you probably aren't a reality tv fan. Whole 'nother blog post.<br />
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If a commercial has a familiar song or one that I actually spend time online finding out what it is, I'm hooked. Who doesn't want to "teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony"?? Nike made me feel like I could start my own Revolution. I learned to rap from McDonald's and their "two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun" jingle. Not well, but enough to know I'm not Lil Kim, but I'd sure like a Big Mac right about now. Continuing in the teaching vein, thanks to the people at J-E-L-L-O, I know how to spell J-E-L-L-O. Comes in handy when I'm looking to buy some J-E-L-L-O for J-E-L-L-O shots. Though I will admit, some commercial jingles can lead to confusion. For a short period of time in my childhood, I firmly believed that "I'm a Pepper, You're a Pepper, He's a Pepper,She's a Pepper" was true and went around asking others "Wouldn't ya like to be a Pepper too?". Still, I was given a nice memory and 3.5 lines in this blog post reliving the memory for your reading pleasure. That's a win/win.<br />
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So next time your "can't miss tv" goes to commercial, stick around for a minute or two. You could find just the tune you need to whistle to annoy those around you or remind you what you could have for lunch that day. You might learn something. Or have a few laughs, With them or at them...your choice.Reneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03352691224791078370noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237057943120388941.post-61904842799893844602011-09-06T22:21:00.000-04:002011-09-06T22:21:44.383-04:00Me & TV...A Lovestory***DISCLAIMER***-I am in no way, shape or form insinuating that my parents and the countless others instrumental in my upbringing did not do their jobs. They all played a significant role in who I am today. The following words are just the facts, ma'm.<br />
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I'm not exactly sure when my love of all that is television began. As a kid, I remember my summer schedule being the exact same, every day. Wake-up around 7:30, eat breakfast, get dressed, brush teeth, throw baseball cap on, out the door by 8:00-8:15. Run. Jump. Throw. Catch. PLAY. Back home for lunch at 12:00. Where does television fit into a morning the United States Army would be proud of? I give you my first recollection of television being part of a routine.<br />
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As I'd nibble on my PB&J on White Wonder bread (to this day the "best tasting, worst for you bread" to make a PB&J on) my Mom would be watching Channel 5 WCVB-Boston News. With Natalie Jacobson and Chet Curtis, Dickie Albert with the weather, and Jim Boyd on Sports. Over time, these four people, though complete strangers to me, became part of the family. Auntie Nat and Uncle Chet would warn me about stranger danger and what could happen if I ran out in the street without looking. Uncle Jim would fill me in on my favorite sports teams and athletes so I knew what collectors cards were worth anything and which ones I could stick in my bike spokes. And Uncle Dickie would let me know if the big game between my pee-wee baseball team and our fiercest rival would get rained-out or not. I trusted them. I believed in them. I kinda loved them.<br />
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By 12:30, my additions to the family had gone on with their lives and my Mom had shooed me back outside. Ryan's Hope was on, followed by All My Children. Only on the really, really, hot days or the occasional sick-days did I sneak a peek at the forbidden soaps. Ryan's Hope holds little memory for me in comparison to All My Children. Say what you will about the cheesiness and ridiculous plot lines, All My Children helped form my views on Good vs Evil. For all the Good in Joe and Ruth Martin, you had the Evil of Phoebe Tyler Wallingford and Palmer Cortlandt. For every heroic move made by Brooke English, there was the devilish sneer of Erica Kane. Sometimes Evil prevailed, most times Good was the winner. I learned that you shouldn't lie, cheat or steal to get what or who you want. All My Children gave me a better understanding of The Ten Commandments than 10 years of Sunday School ever did. Who says kids don't learn in the summer?<br />
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Television can be a wonderful learning tool if you're tuned into the right programs. Family Ties taught me that Republicans can look like the All-American boy next door. Roseanne showed me how to put the fun in dysfunctional. From Beverly Hills 90210 and The OC, I learned that even the hottest and filthy rich have problems....they're people too. M*A*S*H taught me war is bad. E/R and Grey's Anatomy helped me understand my body and know when it's gas or a heart attack. Laverne & Shirley, Friends, and Bosom Buddies gave me a sense of loyalty to my friends. Everyone needs someone to scheme and pull shenanigans with. Cheers showed me the same, but with beer. Eight is Enough, The Cosby Show and The Brady Bunch gave me large family survival skills, some that I use to this very day. The Facts of Life taught me that the tomboy could be cool and still one of the girls. And I Love Lucy gave me some of the best advice ever....there are times in life when everyone needs a shot at being in the big show.Reneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03352691224791078370noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237057943120388941.post-33809755462965606972011-09-05T15:40:00.000-04:002011-09-05T15:40:25.421-04:00Fish & Quips: The Inception Pt 3 -The Final Frontier-oIf you've read the first two parts of how this blog came to fruition, please continue reading. For those of you who haven't, you could probably follow along just fine. Even if I did put my heart and soul into them. No, really, it's ok. I won't even know you didn't. But you will. As long as you can sleep at night....<br />
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The Quips part of Fish & Quips is a play on the traditional English dish, Fish and Chips. Using my own version of the six degrees of separation concept, I will hopefully tie this altogether for you. Fish and Chips comes from England, as does the name of my hometown, Gloucester. Gloucester, England is located in the South West region of the country. Also located in this region is the birthplace of Mr. John Cleese, a member of the Monty Python sketch comedy team. I love British humor, thanks to Monty Python. One of my favorite sketches they do is the fish slapping dance. See? Surrounded by FISH. <-----If you read the 1st two parts, you'd know what I was talking about! <br />
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Quips. Such a funny, little word. I've always been quite fond of 'Q' words. You have to respect a letter who very rarely leaves his friend behind. The bond between 'Q' and 'U' is the quintessential, best-friends relationship. They are stuck together in good times and and bad. Should an issue arise, they figure out the quandary and then go quaff a few beers together. That's a quality friendship. They deal with each others quirks, and never question them. When one is too quiet, the other is quick to quell the queries of their friend. They may sometimes quarrel, and go off to find other friends. But in the end, they return to each other knowing that quality will always be better than quantity.<br />
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Reneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03352691224791078370noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237057943120388941.post-19601283227628652982011-09-04T16:58:00.000-04:002011-09-04T16:58:02.849-04:00Fish & Quips: The Inception Pt 2<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpw3tK6PCttBNYri5IhXMcOqXfJaEV32dql3fEJsI3Z_FHpxZEKDctlLhS8gKDprEodnyX_y3AO5ry03fMtN0aBmdQZCFxblXSGEMGAj2g6-94YfhceFCIjzjK8q9lz_7yHNeH0JITyS8/s1600/250px-Gloucester_MA_-_Fisherman%2527s_Memorial.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpw3tK6PCttBNYri5IhXMcOqXfJaEV32dql3fEJsI3Z_FHpxZEKDctlLhS8gKDprEodnyX_y3AO5ry03fMtN0aBmdQZCFxblXSGEMGAj2g6-94YfhceFCIjzjK8q9lz_7yHNeH0JITyS8/s1600/250px-Gloucester_MA_-_Fisherman%2527s_Memorial.jpg" /></a></div>My first thought on a title for my blog was using my name. Trying to find something catchy to go with Renee soon became a twisted version of "The Name Game". The next plan of action was to try and incorporate childhood nicknames until I remembered why none of them followed me out of childhood. (Though one of them can be found <i>somewhere </i>on this page!) I decided to go back to my roots. My hometown of Gloucester, MA. The town I was born, raised and still live in. Good ol' "Fishtown, USA".<br />
<a name='more'></a>For those of you unfamiliar with Gloucester, I won't bore you with overwhelming historical facts. I'll leave that to the professionals ( see link at bottom). The three main points I share with those who ask where I am from are, 1) Gloucester is the oldest seaport in the country, 2) Gloucester is known for its once booming commercial fishing industry and is still home of Gorton's frozen fish, and 3) Yes, the movie "The Perfect Storm" was filmed here and based on folks from Gloucester. As you can see, those three bits of information all point to one thing---->FISH. You can walk the streets of this town and 9 out of 10 strangers asked will tell you they either worked in the fishing industry, have family or friends who did, or know someone who knows someone who did. I am one of those people. My grandfathers on both sides were fishermen. Most of my friends are from fishing families. I live on an island surrounded by the Atlantic Ocean. I am forever surrounded by FISH. Hence, the Fish half of the title of this blog. Stay tuned for the Quips portion....coming soon!<br />
<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gloucester,_Massachusetts">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gloucester,_Massachusetts</a><br />
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Reneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03352691224791078370noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237057943120388941.post-72391526453439286432011-09-03T23:43:00.002-04:002011-09-26T00:09:40.269-04:00Fish & Quips : The Inception<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-Ozp7euTkLDinwSziBNLc-a8jHK3EAplRYNRksx03Byhz2KIU7Vjb-0HOBzD6TuX8_D9fjc4EBVB4g2X7vw11NksCR7R1mmNPccR5ZEAK2Um6lcMdHwvmC0f04caEOLQpp3vqAnY1Zvk/s1600/facebook_logo1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="106" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-Ozp7euTkLDinwSziBNLc-a8jHK3EAplRYNRksx03Byhz2KIU7Vjb-0HOBzD6TuX8_D9fjc4EBVB4g2X7vw11NksCR7R1mmNPccR5ZEAK2Um6lcMdHwvmC0f04caEOLQpp3vqAnY1Zvk/s320/facebook_logo1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Blame Facebook. It's their fault I started this blog. I started using Facebook when I broke my ankle in the winter of 2008 and was laid-up for 4 months. It was my link to the outside world. I posted my thoughts, feelings, and complaints for the<i> whole</i> <i>world </i>to see. Then I figured out the privacy settings. Still, I had a captive audience of family and friends. I subjected them to my mostly sarcastic, sometimes witty, usually good-natured humor. And they laughed. Or at least they say they did. Either way, I was hooked. Making people laugh had become just as potent as any pain medication the doctor had prescribed. Which was lucky for me as the refills had run out. "You should do stand-up!" they exclaimed. Stand-up?? As you can plainly see, laziness has won out and I will share my wit from the comfort of my chair and laptop....for now.Reneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03352691224791078370noreply@blogger.com0